No Point What-So-Ever
I was asked to make a sign at work so that day shift would stop leaving boxes laying all over the place when taking welding wire. I was told to make it as simple as possible. This is what I came up with.

I was asked to make a sign at work so that day shift would stop leaving boxes laying all over the place when taking welding wire. I was told to make it as simple as possible. This is what I came up with.

Oh, right, I took this last night and forgot about it. Whoops.

Oh, right, I took this last night and forgot about it. Whoops.

Oh shit, better get to a charger FAST.

Oh shit, better get to a charger FAST.

Oh cool, one of my Groupon goods was on my doorstep when I got home from work. I know exactly what this is, it’s going to be that big old thing that I bought fo-

… Oh. Ok then.

Guess who has a tablet now.  Also guess who is using it at work.

Guess who has a tablet now. Also guess who is using it at work.

You know, it’s a strange feeling to have such low self confidence, then lay in bed one morning and just say to yourself, “wow. I have a really nice penis.”

Roommates almost all moved out means that I get this mirror back in my life since I left it in the master bedroom for them.

Roommates almost all moved out means that I get this mirror back in my life since I left it in the master bedroom for them.

I think I’m funnier than I probably actually am.

I think I’m funnier than I probably actually am.

Dear pizza guy,

I’m sorry I stole your pen, I didn’t mean to, but I gave you a pretty good tip so I’d say we’re good.

This is why it’s so important to pay attention to special offers and coupons. Same exact pizza, just ordered differently. I used to be able to do this for even cheaper, but I think I can live with this.
I should note that there are like 6 extra toppings.

This is why it’s so important to pay attention to special offers and coupons. Same exact pizza, just ordered differently. I used to be able to do this for even cheaper, but I think I can live with this.

I should note that there are like 6 extra toppings.

I woke up at like 7:00 this morning, and stayed in bed until almost noon, because I start work tonight from 4:00 PM to 2:30 AM, and I wanted to get as much sleep as I could.

But alas. I couldn’t fall asleep. All I got was a headache.

Yeah, today is going to be great.

Guess who gets to start a new job tomorrow.

Guess who’s excited for it.

Hint: They aren’t the same person.

After donating plasma I walked over to Burger King to get a few things, then over to 7/11 to get my money. There was a homeless guy on the corner along the way, so I gave him a 10 piece nugget and large fry.

Giving is something that really makes me happy. I wish I could do it so much more often, and in greater quantity.

I’m sitting here listening to Lose Yourself by Eminem, saying “Mom’s Spaghetti” over every other line, and laughing like an idiot while I do it.

Everyone’s talking about "May the fourth be with you", but what about "Revenge of the Sixth" - The morning after Cinco De Mayo?